It’s Christmas Eve in Honduras. Today is the day most people gather to
celebrate with family here. In a little
bit I’m going to take to the city and go visit all my friends. However, this holiday finds me with a heavy
heart and while it’s Christmas Eve, we’re on the eve of something else here in Honduras. As most of my faithful readers will know, I
don’t usually post until the end of the month.
However, this month has been a topsy, turvy roller coaster ride for
Peace Corps Honduras and I feel I need to do my part to keep people abreast of
what’s happening here. Basically, my
Peace Corps service is coming to an end soon, unless I get really lucky.
The Back Story
I’ve kept mum about this the whole time I’ve been here. I don’t like people worrying about me and
Peace Corps always did an excellent job of keeping us informed about how to
stay safe. What I knew from the first
day I got here in February of ’10 is that this is a dangerous country. The drug trade is alive and well. Drug traffickers are above the law. The police and military are heavily
infiltrated with corrupt personnel. The
poverty rate is high, so along with that comes much petty theft – lots of being
held up at gunpoint for cell phones, cash, wallets, purses, etc. Due to all this Honduras
became the country with the highest murder rate in the world in October of ’11
(where there is not a war being fought).
Further, unrelated to all this is something that seems to plague Peace
Corps – many victims of rape. For whatever
reason an unfortunate number of female volunteers suffered this here in Honduras. So, Peace Corps has been facing a lot of
negative stuff for as long as I’ve been here, 23 months, and it has more
history than that still.
The One That Broke
The Camel’s Back
On December 4, we had an incident here in country that
finally made someone say, “OK, we’ve got to get these kids out of there.” Around noon
on that Sunday, a bus was assaulted by three armed men on a major highway. One robber held the bus driver at gunpoint
and made him keep driving as the other two fleeced all the passengers. A passenger on the bus decided to try his
hand at vigilante justice and opened fire on the robbers, which resulted in
many shots being exchanged. One of the
innocent bystanders who took a bullet was a Peace Corps Volunteer. Thankfully it was not a fatal shot. This whole incident put us PCVs in a frenzy
as we started buzzing about what this would mean for our future. That very same week we talked to PCV peers
from each geographical region who reported back to PC Honduras staff about what
our thoughts and feelings were given this incident. General consensus was that we all feel safe
in the sites we live and work in, but are more fearful when traveling on public
transportation.
The Decision
Making Process
As it turned out our Country Director was going to a meeting
to discuss the security of Honduras
and other Central/South American countries the week of December 11. We heard that week that one of the major
issues on the agenda was the future of Peace Corps Honduras. We volunteers got a summary of the results of
that meeting as soon as our CD got back to Honduras
that Thursday, the 15th. She
told us the situation in Honduras
had been extensively discussed and Peace Corps Washington, DC (HQ) was now
analyzing the information and we would have a statement from them soon. Each day we waited for news was a careful
exertion of patience as we were all full of nerves waiting for an answer as to
what was coming our way (no one likes their future being out of their control). Finally, on Monday my site mate and I sat
down together and wrote up an email to send to our CD. We expressed our frustration with lack of
knowing and asked what Peace Corps was waiting for before closing the post. Did it have to come down to a volunteer dying
in Honduras? My site mate, who has only
served for three months, expressed her lament for even being brought here to Honduras
to serve because Peace Corps has known all along how dangerous it is here. I expressed my ambivalence to the fact that
we may soon close this post because I’m so close to being done. Within half an hour we had a reply from our
CD telling us we would have an official statement from PC/Washington by the
following day. The popular questions
were: What do you think the decision will be?
What should the decision be? What
do you want the decision to be?
The Decision
Tuesday, December
20, 2011 we got the email we’d all been waiting for and knew was
coming. Peace Corps had made the
decision to suspend operations in Honduras. Effective immediately was that our security
level was updated to Standfast. While on
Standfast we cannot leave the communities we live and work in without express
permission from the CD. The message told
us that all volunteers currently in Honduras
would attend an all volunteer conference in mid-January after which we would be
sent to our respective homes in the US. During this time in the US, at least 30 days
and up to 45, Peace Corps would be reviewing the situation in Honduras and
decide whether or not to keep operating in the country. If the decision is made to stay in the
country it will be on a much smaller scale, they will consider moving the
central office out of Tegucigalpa
and restricting volunteers to a more specific geographic location deemed
safest.
The Aftermath
This is all affecting me and my emotions immensely. After receiving the email Tuesday I cried a
lot. Despite having told our CD that I’m
ambivalent about an early departure, I’m clearly not. Sure, when it comes down to work and projects
I am because right now I’m not in the middle of anything and didn’t plan on
starting anything new. What I’m not ambivalent
about is my community and the people here – my friends who are amazing, the girls
I’ve worked with, the small business owners whom I’ve helped, my neighbor kids
who just made me a ton of extra special mud pies for Christmas. For emotional as I was leaving home nearly
two years ago, I feel the exact same way now: I’m leaving home all over
again. I think I may even feel a little
worse now because I don’t know when I’ll be able to come back here and life is
a lot more volatile here. Maybe Peace
Corps will let me come back and finish my service until May as planned,
although I highly doubt it. I knew
leaving was coming, but having it come up and be beyond my control in less than
a month’s time is not how I wanted to go.
I wanted to have going away parties with my friends, start some more
work in the high school next school year, get the Chamber of Commerce opened
here in Guaimaca. It makes me so angry
that the handful of bad people in this country ruins everything for the
majority of the good people who need us here.
I’m angry because these selfish people are ruining their country and
making life for the good people miserable.
(Ugh, sorry I’m too emotional still.
My best Honduran friend just now called me and as I updated her on
everything she started crying and got me going again.) I’m frustrated because I don’t feel unsafe
here even though my odds of being an innocent bystander or robbed are very high
(when outside of Guaimaca). I’m
frustrated because this is happening so fast and Peace Corps isn’t going to
help us make sure we volunteers with pets can get them home to the US
safely. I’m excited to be back in the US,
because well, it’s freakin’ awesome. I’m
nervous to be back in the US
because life is so different there. In
the blink of an eye I’m going from being a self supported adult with meaningful
work back to living with my parents and without a job. I can’t start grad school this fall because I
wasn’t planning on being home until May.
Now I’ve got almost a whole year and a half back in the US
to pass before I can get into a program.
Basically, I’m a whole jumble of sad, angry, frustrated, nervous and
excited amongst others. Never did I
think it would come down to this.
However, one thing that comforts me a little right now is my belief that
everything happens for a reason. I don’t
know what it is, but I know God has His plans and I’ll be ok, just like I
always have been. A little sliver of
peace despite all this other tumultuous stuff going on right now.
The End
Will this be my last blog from Honduras? Perhaps.
My parents are coming to visit next week and will leave after the New
Year, so I probably won’t post again this month. I may try to post again from the States while
we’re there so people can get that insight of what it’s like to be a PCV on
Administrative Hold. I know that what’s
happening here in PC/Honduras is the right thing in my head. But, what I feel in my heart is completely
different. It’s a disconnect that
commonly occurs. I think this is the
last struggle of my Peace Corps service where I will have to stay positive
despite adverse conditions. For now I’m
going to enjoy Christmas with my friends here and make it all that more
special.
Hasta yo no sé cuando…
